A Modest Proposal to Make Money While Writing

You probably don’t know this, but it turns out being an indie author is expensive.

Not only are there certain unavoidable costs inherent in the time spent producing the work like food, housing, and copious amounts of caffeine as we shout into the abyss wondering if we should have just been a plumber, but there’s also the cost of an editor, the cost of a cover designer, and the cost of marketing if we ever want anyone to read the damn thing.

You may spend years honing the craft, drafting and editing your first manuscript, and of course none of that work is paid. If you’re anything like me, you might really be committed to pursuing the dream despite the lack of initial compensation but also find yourself thinking such thoughts as, “I really wish some of this labor might be compensated that I might enjoy some of the finer luxuries of modern life such as a hot pizza delivered to my door after a long day.”

Fortunately I have discovered a simple, foolproof, guaranteed way to monetize my writing time. You see, I can write anywhere. All I need is my notebook and a pen. So why not take these simple tools to a place that will pay me for my presence?

While I was scrolling through Bookstagram the other day, I saw an ad for an incredible opportunity. Turns out I can go to a place in my town and just sit there and after a while they pay me for my time. I don’t have to do any work, all I have to do is let them collect a little plasma. If you’re not familiar with plasma, it’s a part of your blood – but don’t worry! You’re not really using it all anyway and you’ll just make it back. It’s not even red when it comes out so are you really bleeding? And yet these companies will pay you a reasonable chunk of change to sit there and let them drain your blood. (Note: Not all your blood. Just the plasma. They put the other important bits back in.) They assure me all this is to make blood based medicine. I’m not yet convinced it isn’t all an an elaborate front to harvest vampire food.

Friends, this opportunity has been an absolute game-changer. I’ve only done this for a weeks, but so far, so good. It does make me a little tired the day I donate, but honestly as a parent to young children, when am I not tired anyway? I’ve been using the donation time to write – donate via IV in one arm, write with the other. EZPZ lemon squeezy double dippin’ dream achieve-y.

Despite it only being a week, I’ve already verified the reloadable VISA card they gave me does actually spend – I bought a nice lunch for my wife and I with it. I told my wife I paid for our lunch with blood money. She laughed. (The key to a happy marriage is finding someone that thinks your terrible jokes are funny.)

If you too are a writer trying to break your way in, I encourage you to think outside of the box – you may be surprised to discover just how easy, albeit not painless, it can be to make money while writing.

If you’re a reader, I urge you to support your favorite authors and consider that the phrase “I put my blood, sweat, and tears into this work,” may be more literal than you thought.

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